hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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