they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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