Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
