YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
