Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
