I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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