you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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