Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
