You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
