Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
