Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
