I'm going to jail i love you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
