Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
