Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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