I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
