We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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