I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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