Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
