Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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