i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
