i jhust puked up my retainher.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
