So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
