I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
