he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
