i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
