If i come over, it means nothing
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
