he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
