God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
