I heard we made out
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
