Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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