I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
