I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
