Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
