We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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