Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
