At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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