after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Rumble strips road head = magical
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
