she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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