Your tits are I can't wait for
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
