After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
