He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
