Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
