remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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