So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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