Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
