Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
