Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
