Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
