She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
