Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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